What is a mum? No two Mums are the same and I can only tell you about my mum – because she was mine and something very special.
We had been told in January 2012 that Mum had advanced liver cancer and she would have 6 months at best. We finally got her home from hospital on March 1st. We walked her up the garden the day after she got home and sat on the bench in the spring sun, taking in their pretty garden in full glory – it was just coming alive, but sadly my beautiful Mum was fading fast. She didn’t go out again and day by day I was losing my amazing, lovely, funny, strong Mum.
Our final day up and chatting, all be it slowly as she was so very tired, was Sunday18th March 2012 – Mother’s Day. I remember going to buy her presents wondering what on earth to buy. She was so poorly and I knew it was only a matter of days. She wouldn’t want anything. She couldn’t enjoy anything. I settled for a set of lovely Elizabeth Arden creams which I rubbed into her feet her hands and her arms every day; and a pretty blanket which she had over her till the day she finally fell asleep for the last time. We still have ‘Nana’s blanket’ and use it when we feel we need a virtual hug.
On the Monday morning after Mother’s Day, Dad called me at work, slightly panicked to say that he couldn’t get Mum out of bed. Up until now he had refused help from the district and Macmillan nurses as he wanted to look after mum himself. He was 81 and fit as a fiddle. I gave him strict instructions to call the nurses – he now needed them, and told him I was on my way.
By the time I arrived around lunchtime the nurses were there and mum was comfortable in bed but sleeping.
She didn’t wake up until Thursday, but every day I sat, played her music, chatted to her and kissed her, hugged her and did anything I could to make her feel better. Sadly I was never going to be able to do that, but when Andrea Bocelli’s beautiful voice filled the bedroom from the playlist I made for her, her eyebrow would gently lift in appreciation of the music she completely loved !
The last time we saw her awake was a fabulous memorable moment on that Thursday – she sat up, fresh as a daisy. Looked straight at me and asked where she was – I told her she was home. She asked why she was in bed – I told her she hadn’t been very well. She then asked if there was any chance of a Bacardi and coke. It was mid morning !! And the best thing happened; we fetched her one and gave her a little drop to taste – her face was a picture and she relished every single bit of that taste. It was a wonderful moment in amongst dreadful despair and heartbreak of losing the one person I could completely trust and had loved unconditionally all my life. My safe place.
Two days later, on 24th March, I lost my beautiful, kind, selfless Mum.
The thing is….I never have really lost her, because she is always in my heart. She is everywhere around my house and I talk to her, out loud, most, if not every day. I like to think she still hears me and I like to think she still hugs me when I need it.
It’s been 6 years since I saw her, touched her, kissed her, actually chatted to her. It feels like forever, but also like only yesterday that I sat with her as she faded away.
I hope if you still have your Mum in your life you will hug her, kiss her and tell her you love her and appreciate her today on Mother’s Day and every day. As a Mum myself I realise just how much she loved me and I am blessed to have had such a wise, amazing, strong and loving mother.
I love you Mum – always xxx